January 2008

I love this song and I’ll tell you why…

I’m gonna wrap my arms around my daddy’s neck
And tell him that I’ve missed him
And tell him all about the man that I became
And hope that it pleased him
There’s so much I want to say
There’s so much I want you to know

When I finally make it home
When I finally make it home

Then I’ll gaze upon the throne of the King
Frozen in my steps
And all the questions that I swore I would ask
Words just won’t come yet
So amazed at what I’ve seen
So much more than this old mind can hold

When I finally make it home
When I finally make it home

And the sweetest sound my ears have yet to hear
Voices of angels

When I finally make it home
When I finally make it home

(Finally Home by Mercy Me)

I lost my dad in June of 2004. I miss him. I wish that he could see who I am becoming! I wish that we could talk about things. I wish I could tell him about what I’m learning. He’d have so much to say.

There are moments that I miss him so much that I ache…

The world tells me in those moments: “He’s watching over you!” “He’s your angel now!” All of that is bologna!!!

He’s at the throne of the King! Amazed and singing (as he always so loved to do) with the sweetest sounds his ears have ever heard!!! I appreciate the perspective that is given in this song…

Yes, I look forward to seeing my daddy again… and I’m not certain how it will work but I do hope to get to wrap my arms around his neck and tell him that I’ve missed him - when I finally make it home!  BUT, what’s really going to matter when I get there is the King!!  And that’s what really matters now! That’s why, even when I miss my daddy so much it aches… I continue on!

And you know… now that my dad is with the King, it’s not his job to watch over me.  I’m doing just fine without him, because the King himself watches over me, every moment of every day!  He is my Father.  It will be such a joy to my daddy again someday… but how inexpressible a joy will come when I see my Father!

Today was my first day at my new Starbucks. I’m not new at the job, just new at the store. It’s always fun to discover the culture of a store… If you’re a frequent Starbucks goer you know that though they are all “the same” they actually are all very different. If you’re a Starbucks Partner (employee), you understand even more! This is my third store in 2.5 years and I think it’s gonna be a good experience! :o)

I’m always amused by people’s observations of me. One of my new co-workers said after a couple hours working with me, “You’re really weird for a quiet person!” due to random comments I made (I’m really not that quiet, he will discover eventually). An hour after that he asked me a question and upon my answer he scrunched up his nose in a look of confusion and said, “You’re a very interesting person!!!”

I am told that a lot. What do you think it means?

I read a lot of blogs these days. I find lots of nuggets of wisdom, moments of inspiration, and reasons to laugh hysterically. Following is a list that was published on the Desiring God Blog on New Year’s Eve. I LOVE it! I’ve read it many times since the day it was published. I thought I’d share it with you.

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death when he said: “There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing.”

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities. I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence, but just as likely ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their “divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic” existence.

7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the “child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder.”

8. I shall follow Darwin’s advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably, as Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

9. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, “fulfill the moment as the moment.” I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee landlord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega.

The list and the story behind the list can be found here: http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/976_10_resolutions_for_mental_health/

Once upon a time, I had some very specific plans for my life. Along the way God showed me that my plans were flawed and He had better things in store for me. He, of course, has never revealed to me all of what that will be, though along the way he gives me glimpses. I see him shaping me.  For a long time I was frustrated with the way he was shaping me. It seemed like in everyone else’s lives God took the a broad view of goals and desires and He narrowed it down to one specific pursuit, giving them a more and more focused passion. In my life, it seemed to be the opposite. I had a very specific passion and God has been broadening my vision. He recently made it very clear to me that it is all very purposeful. I’m not sure why that was a revelation to me… I know that God doesn’t do anything haphazardly!

This is what I know.

I have a heart for the nations. I want to be a part of fulfilling the Great Commission, going to the ends of the earth to share the freeing truth of the gospel with all nations, tribes, and tongues!

I have a desire to reach the lost in America. I love developing relationships with unbelievers. I love asking them spiritually thought provoking questions and becoming a part of their spiritual journey. I love knocking on doors and sharing the gospel. I love serving the community with the intent of sharing Christ in the process, with both actions and words.

I am passionate about reaching the “Christian” who is such only by name. I long for them to know and understand the truth of Christ, deeply and intimately. It is only then that they will truly love him. Only when they love him will they truly love others more than themselves. Only when they love others more than themselves will they truly live to make disciples.

I believe it is essential that we very purposefully create opportunities for all believers to serve (both locally and globally) and use their gifts for the furthering of the kingdom, encouraging, equipping, and training them along the way for a very intentionally missional lifestyle.

I love being a part of short-term mission trips for a long list of reasons. 1. God has made it clear in His Word that anyone who follows him is responsible to be a part of reaching all peoples/nations with the gospel. 2. I love meeting my brothers and sisters in the Lord and seeing what He’s doing in other parts of the family. We truly are all connected and responsible for building each other up! 3. I always come back more in love with Jesus than when I left and thus more passionate about sharing Him with others. 4. I love the opportunity it provides to train believers and to walk alongside them as they grow and actively serve God, helping them to use their gifts and to discover gifts they may never have known they had.

What does all of this look like in my future? I have so many ideas. In the end, I just want to love Jesus more and serve Him with every breath that I take and every choice that I make. I would love to do any and all of the following at various points in my life… and I’m sure there are some amazing possibilities I have yet to even think about:

Work with college students - creating opportunities for them to serve, discovering gifts and passions, equipping them to live missional lives

Write books, magazine articles, devotionals

Teach at a University - classes on missions, evangelism, discipleship

Open a coffee shop - artsy, a forum for local music and art, a place for non-Christians to explore the spirituality of Christianity in a non-threatening, non-churchy sort of way

Be a mom who raises her children to be missionaries - whether they be doctors, painters, cooks… my only care is that they do whatever they it with the intent of sharing Christ in their area of influence (of course be a wife before being a mom, to someone who has similar passions for ministry and missions)

Be a part of a local church or possibly a church planting team that has a passion to develop a multiplying community of believers that is passionate about living missional lives, locally and globally involved in God’s mission to see all nations praising Him

Pour into a group of women

Work for a church’s missions department planning mission trips, educating the church about missions, and helping everyone to find their place in being involved in fulfilling the Great Commission

Work for a missions organization

God recently has (as mentioned in a previous blog) really been embedding Psalm 37 deep within my heart. I don’t know what of these ideas God will use in my life… I know I must simply Trust in the Lord, delight myself in Him, commit my way to Him, trust Him to act, Be still before Him and wait patiently for him, not fretting but knowing that “the steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in His way.” I can say confidently that God is shaping my heart and widening my vision for some very specific reasons. I don’t know what they are, but I will continue to delight myself in Him and commit my ways to Him and he will direct me and establish my ways. I’m looking forward to the adventures in store!

Destruction is my life
Freedom my desire
A distant scene
Unacheivable
I cry out
I know no answer
A longing resides deep within my soul
Is that a whisper I hear?
… “Draw near” …
To what? How?
Light
Blood covers my sins
Step in
Pure water washes me
Mercy
Forgiveness
Grace
Freedom my desire
Freedom your gift
Your face shines upon me
So others may see
New life I live
Destruction demolished

~ Amazon, Nov. 17, 2007

 

I needed this:

Psalm 37

He Will Not Forsake His Saints

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
9 For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

10 In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
11 But the meek shall inherit the land
and delight themselves in abundant peace.

23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
24 though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.

25 I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or his children begging for bread.
26 He is ever lending generously,
and his children become a blessing.

27 Turn away from evil and do good;
so shall you dwell forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his saints.
They are preserved forever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
29 The righteous shall inherit the land
and dwell upon it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks justice.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his steps do not slip.

32 The wicked watches for the righteous
and seeks to put him to death.
33 The Lord will not abandon him to his power
or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.

34 Wait for the Lord and keep his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

Thank you Lord!

I am choosing to trust in You and do good, befriend faithfulness, and delight myself in You. I commit my ways to you and I know that you will act and bring forth my righteousness as light. I will be still before you and wait patiently for whatever you have for me. You have promised me an inheritance that is great. As I delight in you, I know that you will establish my steps and lead me into the land you have for me. You do not forsake those who seek you! I will wait for you, Lord. I will continue to live according to your ways! I trust you… You are worthy and you promise me what is best! What more could I ask for?